Why I Love Thee

I believe I owe you at least an answer to this. So let me tell you for the first time and maybe the last.

I will never be fully able to tell you why

But here and now I will, at least, give it a try

I know it’s been a question left hanging

That eventually left a void of desire and wanting

I know you know I dislike being put on the spot

Especially for things that are most important

And I was probably seeking an answer you’d accept

That the worrying left a deafening silence I deeply regret

But let’s just get to the point of this piece

And to fate I pray these words would reach

I’ll probably stop all the rhyming now

Because, in the end, the truth finds a way somehow

Even if I try, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to find all the reasons why. But the first time I saw your face awakened an abundance of feelings I thought were lost forever and could never be replaced. In you I found a sense of curiosity, a sense of renewal. Like a breath of fresh air, you came in as a gentle breeze. You were as genuine as genuine could get. And the truth, to me, is something shared out of respect. I loved how honest you were to me. How you would not leave out the details. In a sense, I felt as if with you is where I belong and no place in time or space could ever compare.

I love how you would try. Try everything for us. How you would come to a “Yes” just because it was something that would make me proud and happy. I love how there would never ever be a lack of effort from your part and how the most important thing to you was my smile. I love how much my opinion was so important in the way you would decide on things. I love how you never made me feel I was not a priority. But, most of all, I love you because at least for some part of my life, I had someone I truly loved and I knew truly loved me back to share the happiest, the most frightening, the saddest and the most fulfilling moments of my life. I’m glad I fell in love with you.

Dear Superwoman

What's up lately? It's like you've built up this huge wall between us all of a sudden. It's like everything that has happened between us doesn't even matter. It's like you're a different person all of a sudden. It's tiring, really, trying to figure out what your next step would be. Always second guessing how I should approach you. I care for you and I know you know that. I wish there could be a bit more transparency between us. You know I won't judge and it's okay for you to be vulnerable around me. I don't want to keep on guessing anymore. I thought we were way, way past that stage. Here I am, arms open, ready to give you a tight embrace of assurance all you have to do is take it. I can't force it to you. Everything is still all your choice. I just want to leave you with this one thought. Bonds aren't built when each is afraid to trust. You don't have to be Superwoman in front of me all the time. Because the person I care for, want to know and be in my life is you. The whole package. No pretending, no make believe.

Late Post

All I C is

You
In your crop top
Skater skirt
And black chucks

Your
Pretty eyes
Pink cheeks
And infectious smile

That
Happy girl
Whose laugh is real
Messy hair but she don't care

The
Way your face lights up
On a perfect day
When everything goes your way

I can search high and low
Far or near, I can go
But it's never the same
Because all I C is you

Another Year Older

September 29, 2011

Rising From The Storm

Life is truly fair and we can't expect everything to go the way we plan it. We are only human and cannot control any other thing but ourselves. The way we do things, the way we react, what weighs more for us, are all drawn from our notion of what is right and what is wrong. We can't force other people to always see things the way we do. However we have all the right to voice out our opinions. In the end, it is up to that person whether they would agree or not. In turn, we should not condemn them for not seeing things as we do. Doing so will only bring up a storm.

And with it, that storm will just bring a rain of tears, winds of panic, thunderous heartache and a flood of sorrow.

We all know that all this can be at least managed. A storm does not hit in an instant. There are always early warnings and we must be aware of those. You can track the storm so you will be ready for it. And when it comes, be equipped with a lot of patience and understanding. If all your preparations were set up correctly, the storm will pass and brighter days will be ahead.

You can always wish that a next storm will never arrive. Then again, we all know that life is fair and all we can do is just be ready. There will always be that time in between to grow in each other and make foundations strong enough to weather any storm that life throws at us.

Only Beach Trip Of Summer 2011

Am I Important?

I guess there are just some times when are all stressed out and we want to feel more important than usual that a simple act of consideration can go a long, long way to make us feel better and put back that smile on our face.

I feel like I need that pat on the back today...

Hope, Love and Faith

Life is not perfect after all. It is, however, a mix of ups and downs. We can't have everything is the reality of it. For if we did have everything for ourselves, nothing will be left for others. Even the ones nearest and dearest to us.

We can, however, hope for the best. That is one thing we should always have. With hope, We can look forward to something good. We can rise from the downs of life and go back up. With hope springs determination and the courage to keep moving forward and never giving up.

We can also learn to love. For with love, we learn to share. We learn to care. We realize that life is not lived by a solitary person. We gain the desire to seek for the best not only for ourselves but for those that we love. We find ourselves wanting success and happiness for them too. And, you care for them enough to truly understand them, communicate with them and know what they need to be genuinely happy.

And we should always have faith, the belief that everything will fall into place somehow. We should know when to let go and trust that the people around us, especially those truly in our hearts, will also help us through. In turn we develop confidence knowing we can depend on each other and help each other throughout the journey of life.

It is these three key ingredients that will help us overcome hardships in our travels. Hoping for more ups in life than downs. Truly loving each other and in turn creating a harmonious connection. Keeping the faith and trusting each other enough and each other's reliability. We may come out wounded sometimes, as we are only human. But wounds do heal and with enough Hope, Love and Faith, we can continue in our journey stronger than ever before.

It's In All Of Us

Happiness is, and will always be, in all of us.

All we need is the desire to let is show.

-Coloy Kintanar

Simple Lang Ang Hiling Ko

Kaunting lambing lang at pagsumamo ang siyang hinihingi ko sa'yo,
Upang humupa ang kalungkutang lumulugmok sa puso't isipan ko.

Lalo lang kasi nadaragdagan ng luha't simangot,
sa bawat walang emosyon mong mga sagot.

Na parang wala kang ganang ipaglaban ang ating mga napagplanuhan
At kung may dahilan ka ngunit hindi mo sasabihin, hindi ko malalaman.

Parang wala lang kasi sa iyo ang mga nabuwag na plano
Tagung-tago ang mga emosyon mo sa kahong gawa sa yelo.

blah

It's sad to be left wanting something you thought you'd get when your expectations were already set.

Ho Hum...

The Heavier Things

Life, as we know, is a mixture of ups and downs. It is also a continuous array of activities, a list of tasks and duties. However you look at it, we are bound to carry loads and we often choose the lighter ones, aimlessly forgetting that loads vary in weight. In the end, we are left with a burden far too heavy to carry.

Sometimes we can balance it out by alternating what we choose to carry so that everything is moderated. However, we can't choose how the cargo arrives. When a ship comes in, we don't know how everything was packed. Most of the time, it would take more effort to achieve that desired balance and it would be better just to face it whichever way it comes to us.

You don't have to worry, though. I will always be here for you. When your hands are frail and your mind wants to quit and your heavy heart just adds extra weight, I will be here, helping you through the heavier things.

A Little Piece of My Childhood

Guess what I found at the Candy Corner yesterday... :)

January 22, 2011

I spent exactly 24 hours in the little island of Boracay just to be with the love of my life. :)

I arrived at 8am, Saturday, 22 January and left at 8am the next morning.

If that's not a perfect weekend for you, I don't know what is.

A Little Bit of Everyday Newton

Newton's third law of motion states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Pretty straightforward, I pressume. We, however, have no control as to what that “reaction” might actually be. We may not find it favorable or what we expect it to be. It may skew our results. It may even nullify whatever hypothesis you may have.

The exciting part is the experimentation where you live in the unexplained. You are eaten by anxiety and the anticipation of what might happen. It keeps you on your toes and directs your thoughts and actions to the possibilities. It is, however, not entirely in your hands. Why call it an experiment if it actually is? The important thing is you've done your research, carefully placed all instruments and ingredients and you are ready for anything, absolutely anything. Your action is the experiment, your initial sparkplug, you may say. The reaction is the result.

This can very easily be translated to your everyday life, your actual being. You start off as an object at rest and an action like simply getting up from your bed in the morning leads to another reaction that then creates a chain of events which, in totality, comprises your very day. For the purpose of scientific analysis, let's not delve in the possibility of karmic powers that may skew your results. Focus first on what you do and the result of it. Your outlook is the direction of the object and the outcome varies as to which direction you may take.

For instance, if you choose that your outlook be that of nervousness, more often than not, the events that follow only add to your initial outlook. If you decide to be freewheeling and joyous, your day just seems to get brighter and brighter. Your disposition controls your surroundings. The people you interact with, places you go to, things you do, they all reflect that action of which you originally decided.

You may ask, what if I change my perception in the middle of the day? Think about it. That mere change in perception was actually guided by a certain reaction and made you change directions. The decision you make is derived from a change, a counterstrike, a simple reaction.

Be careful then of that initial action you take to start your day. It might as well be what dictates how the day will go and end for you. And we all know, as I assume you all are normal human beings, everyone just wants to be happy. The moment you wake up, there is an action and a choice to be made. So, I ask you dear readers, put a little perspective in your day and adapt a little Newton in your lives.

Only Bats Can Fly In The Dark

Please be the light and guide me.
For all around it's pitch black and confusing.
I don't want to move for it's eerie.
The next step might just be disaster waiting.

All I need's a bit of clarity,
And I'll find my way, for sure.
Don't just leave me here lost and weary.
Your voice is enough guidance and cure.

I recall we've agreed communication is the key.
I don't even need a flashlight, all I need is a spark.
Talk to me, even only a whisper, I don't care if there's a fee.
Take my hand, please guide me, for only bats can fly in the dark.

Tomorrow's Another Day

We can't always control what comes into our lives,
But we can always decide if we'd let them stay.

I knew way back, from the first time I saw your eyes,
I thanked the Lord, he led me that way.

So, here I am feeling very satisfied,
Not afraid of whatever tomorrow hides.

I live for today and take my stride,
Leaving to fate, whatever she decides.

The important thing is that I'm happy,
For the most part, that's when I'm with you.

Wishing you won't get tired of me,
And hoping that you are happy too.

Making the most of the moment,
With no need to rush, no need to hurry.

Your smile is my heart's content,
It's enough to make every burden easy to carry.

Let go of the paranoia, don't worry too much, my dear.
Today is ours, you should not fear.

I hope I've made myself clear,
For whatever the risk, today is today and I will be here.

Utak : Puso

Masmalakas ang takbo ng utak,
Kapag ang puso'y nagagalak.

Friendship over Knowledge

Patrick : Knowledge cannot replace friendship. I'd rather be an idiot than lose you."

What Do You Think?

The least of my priorities is to ruin the moment.
Though, it was so good that I crave for another.

However, thoughts come crashing.
Will it ever be better than that beginning?

How do I keep this going?
Should I just keep it a one time thing forever?

A bliss, a serenity, an inner peace,
That will forever be etched in my memories.

For on that fateful night,
We shared ourselves and everything was better.

Soaring high I was then,
Though still careful enough as not to startle any tired eyes.

I need your help now.
Help me figure out, is this worth a second time?

Her Song

When, finally, I find her, this is the song I will sing. For now, uncertainty is still my foe.

Brand New Colony
by The Postal Service

I'll be the grapes fermented, bottled and
served with the table set in my finest suit
like a perfect gentleman.
I'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the
ancient brick where you will sit
and contemplate your day.

I'll be the waterwings that save you if you
start drowning in an open tab when your
judgement's on the brink.
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite
albums back as you're lying there, drifting off
to sleep... drifting off to sleep...
I'll be the platform shoes; undo what heredity's done to you:
you won't have to strain to look into my eyes.
I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped
straight to the throat with the collar up so
you won't catch a cold.

I want to take you far from the cynics in this town
and kiss you on the mouth.
We'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of
this scene, start a brand new colony.
Where everything will change, we'll give
ourselves new names. Identities erased.
The sun will heat the grounds, under our bare
feet in this brand new colony.
This Brand new colony...

Everything will change, Ooo ooo...
Everything will change, Ooo ooo...
Everything will change, Ooo ooo...

When I See You

Outside you'll see a happy face, but inside I'm already dying.

I know there's always a better place, but the hurt stops me from wanting.

For at night I sleep with a heavy heart, and don't even look forward to morning.

I should've known from the very start, that I shouldn't have kept on trying.

Outside you'll see a happy face, but deep inside I keep on dying.

No matter what anyone says, this lonely heart is mourning.

The first time I said a prayer in front of people in years.

We have this thing in the office where we'd huddle with our teams and talk about certain values. Today, it was my turn to lead. It was also the first time I took this sort of thing seriously. Now, after every huddle, our boss would ask for a volunteer to lead or say a prayer. I'd never volunteer in the past but I thought I'd step on to the plate since it was my turn anyway. It was pre-meditated, to say the least. I guess I really liked the value which was "Display Passion and Optimism." I've had a lack of passion and optimism lately so it really struck me.

Anyway, here is how my prayer went:

Dearest Lord,

Thank You for another day. It gives us the chance to better ourselves and be happy.

Lord God, Help unleash the Davids in us, who in battle, instead of sword and shield, carried You in his heart.

Help us to be ultimate team players who, though not stars of the show, cheer their teammates on until the final buzzer.

Help us be vessels of passion and optimism so that we may share ourselves with others.

Amen.

A Short Dissertation of a Dialogue or the Lack Thereof (First Draft)

Most of the time, grievances are caused by mere miscommunication. Person A thinks this while Person B thinks that. If one of them doesn’t get what they expected, that is called a misunderstanding. This is brought about either by having different plans, by a deviation from a set plan or probably the total absence of a plan. As much as possible, anyone would like to avoid such un-agreeable circumstances, which may lead to a gloomy atmosphere much worse, heart-rending endings.

A good way to avoid such miscommunications or misunderstandings is by expectation setting. In an event that involves two or more people, be it immense or minuscule in scale, expectations should be guided by the agreement of all parties involved with the intention that no one is given the short end of the stick. In other words, setting expectations is a shared, communal, mutual agreement between concerned participants of any events that, again, involves two or more people.

With this in mind, you, as well as the other people or parties involved, are better equipped to handle any unfavourable event, any misguiding or any obstacles at hand. With aligned expectations, the event is more tangible and will produce better results that are favourable to all parties involved. It allows for better resolution and a smoother execution of a said event. Much more, it does not allow for misguided opinions to be formed that may entail to negative judgements or statements that in the end may deem hurtful to all parties.

Now, in the occurence that an event already happens with the lack of expectation setting, the beauty of it all is that it is rarely irreconcilable or amendable. Communication is the key to damage control. Any person or party involved is usually open to reconciliation, understanding, settlement or compromise. It usually involves though that the person or party at fault oftentimes has to perform an action sympathetic or complimentary to the person or party faulted but, that’s besides the point. In any case, a dialogue, agreement, communication between two parties helps alleviate and control any hurt or cause of distress. It allows the other person or party to understand the basis and give own insight with regards to the matter at hand or the matter that has passed. It gives chance for a reconnect between two parties or persons. It may not bring back trust fully or right away but at least it settles any bad judgement and creates space to be civil and probably back on track.

In short, before an event takes place, it is best to set expectations through dialogue or communication so that everyone’s ideas and thoughts are aligned and fair. In any case that it is not done, an amicable way to settle this is again through communication wherein the faulted is made able to understand the other’s actions – It may not be what they would want to hear, but at least they’ll have a better understanding. If indeed all lines are severed, there is, at the very least, closure.

(to be continued...)

I'm A Box

Take out your new shoes from the box. Try them on, check the mirror, imagine yourself dancing around in them. What a joy...

Now, look at the box. The one that once held those shoes so dearly.

Oh, there I am! Empty.

I Thought

I thought we were having a "just friends" date.
I thought we were being honest to each other.

I thought we were not going to contemplate.
I thought we were just going to enjoy that time together.

But, despite the fact, I still like you.
Though your thoughts we're unfair, I'm not mad at you.

I will still do it again, just for you.
If you have no one to call, I'd be the first to answer you.

I thought I should take it slow.
I thought I shouldn't make a move.

I thought I should just go with the flow.
I thought I shouldn't like you.

I guess, like I always am, I'm wrong again.
I can't win in this game. I can't even bargain.

Ipagpalagay Na Lang Na Sana

Nang hindi ko nalalaman at hindi man napaghahandaan,
Ang pagsusubok na yo'y bigla na lang nagdaan.

Ang sa unang akala'y lakad lang ng dalawang magkaibigan,
para pala sa kaniya'y iba ang siyang kahulugan.

Isa na pala iyong paraan upang matingnan,
Na kung magbabago man ang una na niyang napagpasiyahan.

Parang wala nga naman talagang laban ang tulad kong walang kamuwang-muwang,
Na todo ang pag-aalalang huwag niyang akalaing binibigyan ko ng kahulugan.

Aaminin ko, tuwang-tuwa ako nang kaniya akong inanyayahan.
Ngunit hindi ko akalaing kasama lang pala yun sa kaniyang mga pinagplanuhan.

Pilit kong pinipigilan na huwag nang lagyan ng kahit anong kulay,
Siya naman kasi nagsabi sa akin na wala naman nang ibang maitataglay.

Kaya't ayun ako, bulag sa katotohanan,
Tuwang-tuwa lang sa pagkakataong pinagbigyan.

Napakaraming salita ang hindi ko na lang binanggit,
Sa pag-aalalang baka ang mga sandaling iyon ay hindi na muling maulit.

Baka kasi ikatakot niya nanamam at ikagalit.
Ayoko na kasi munang sarili ko sa kaniya'y ipilit.

Nakakatawa minsan kung paano ka puwedeng mapaglaruan ng mundo.
Dahil anumang gawin mo, sa huli, ikaw pa rin ang sadyang natatalo.

Minsan gusto kong ipagdasal na sana wala na lang akong puso,
Para hindi na lang ako masaktan ng mga pangyayaring tulad nito.

Kaso, sa kabilang dako, napapa-isip rin talaga ako,
Na kung hindi sa mga katulad niya, para san pang naging tao ako?

Ano pa nga naman ang buhay kung wala kang pagdaraanang mga ganitong yugto,
Kung saan parang inapak-apakan, pinagkaisahan ang kabaitan mo?

Pero sa kabila ng lahat, ako pa rin ay kaniyang napangiti.
Makasama lang siya, isang hiling niya lang, kahit ano aking ipagpapalit.

Ganun lang siguro ang mga tulad kong tanga kung umibig.
Nasampal na sa mukha, durog na ang puso, ngunit hindi makatanggi.

Masaya rin nga pala ako na hindi ako nagkamali.
Na sa unang tingin ko pa lang, alam kong utak niya'y matindi.

Hindi niya man ipahalata, nag-iisip na pala siya.
Parang isang heneral na hindi pa natatalo sa giyera.

Lugi rin siguro ako kasi mayroon akong nararamdaman
Kung kaya't napakadali niya akong puwedeng maisahan.

Puwede rin sigurong manhid lang talaga ako.
Puwede ring sa kaniyang biglang pagyaya ay nagulat ako.

Kung may hinahanap siya noong mga sandaling iyon,
Alam kong ni anung kislap, wala siyang matutunton.

Ngayon, heto nanaman ako, nadali ng maling akala.
Dapat pala hindi na ako nag-isip pa't tinodo na.

Subalit hindi, kaya ito na lang ngayon ang nasa palaisipan,
Kung tingin mong alam kong "date" yun, sa'yo ko pa kaya pababayaran?

Huli na 'to kasi ayoko na sanang pag-gugulan pa,
Maraming, maraming salamat sa pagkakataong madapa.

Na kung sa pagitan mo'y gusto mong kalimutan yung maiksing panahon na yun na nagdaan,
Sa akin nama'y habang buhay ko pasasalamatan at panghahawakan.

At Your Own Pace

I assure you now that I am in no rush.
Who wants to just dive into something unknown anyway?
I understand you once had your heart crushed,
And all the pain has not completely gone away.

I assure you, nobody comes in ready for love
It's the journey that somehow tells us that part.
It's as much your decision as it is mine
Telling you, I thought, was just the start.

Let's give this thing a try,
And be careless enough to give ourselves a chance.
As it would be unfair to just compare
When all you've had of me was a mere glance.

Now let's just go with the flow, if you'd agree.
I promise to you that I'll follow your pace.
So please rest your worries, dear.
We both know this is not a race.

Bago Ang Lahat

Bago ko pa man aminin sa iyo,
Kailangan ko munang aminin sa sarili ko.

Ang bawat salimuha't nararamdaman ko,
Ang lahat ng nais sambitin nitong puso.

Na ikaw ang siyang nasa isip,
Mula sa pag-gising hanggang sa panaginip.

Na pagbati mo ang siyang pinaka-aabangan,
Ano pa man ang aking pinagkaka-abalahan.

Na dahil sa'yo muling nagkaroon ng inspirasyon,
Magsulat ng mga salitang nagkaipon-ipon.

Na kung hindi ka sana nakilala,
Tuloy pa rin sana sa pagbabale-wala.

Na kung sa buhay ko'y hindi ka pa pumasok,
Hindi na muling mararamdaman ang pagtibok.

Sala sa Init, Sala sa Lamig

Sala sa init, sala sa lamig. Minsan mabait, kadalasa'y kulang sa lambing.
Mahirap pumusta sa katulad mong magaling. Talo mo pang sugarol, ang hirap mong basahin.
Minsan iniisip ko kung sinasadya mo akong paikutin. Pinaglalaruan lang ako kaya't ang hirap mong paimikin

May mga oras naman madaldal ka pa sa pilosopo. Mga kwento mo puwede nang isalin sa libro.
Sundalo ka bang handa sa giyera't armado o anghel ka bang hulog ng langit para sagipin ako?
Ano ka pa man, ano pa mang pakay mo rito, hirap akong limutin na gandang-ganda ako sa'yo.

Sala sa init, sala sa lamig. Minsan sakto, kadalasa'y mahirap timplahin.
Hindi birong ika'y pangitiin at paamuhin. Hindi ganoon kadaling ika'y pakantahin.
Sadyang kakaiba ang iyong awitin, sa taas niya'y masmahirap pang abutin kaysa sa mga bituin.

Heto ngayon ako, nalilito sa'yo. Dapat ko pa bang paggugulan ng panahon ang lahat ng ito?
Dapat ko bang hintayin ang iyong pagsumamo o habang maaga pa lang, dapat na ba akong sumuko?
Bihag mo ang lokong ito, isang pahiwatig mo lang ang kailangan para makalaya na ako.

Shall We Write Again?

Hopefully inspiration kicks in these coming days. I never realized its been three years since I last did. I do feel like writing again. Letting that sappy, dramatic side of my self loose. Problem is, I don't know where to start. Should I just trash this blog and start anew? Two years of writing would be wasted though. Besides, no one reads my blog anymore. It's full of emo drama and sadness anyway. Still, I can't deny that part of my life and just forget about it. I feel so rusty though. And reading some of my old posts makes me cringe or just laugh. Pathetic.

Maybe there is a way I can make this sad, dark, lonely blog a happier one. Maybe there's a way to turn the blog around without eliminating the fact that I was once a sappy, heartbroken kid. Should I change the color of the background? That might work. Doesn't make any of the content less tragic though. That's it! The content! I will now try to write more insirational, less melodramatic poems. hopefully my brain picks up and I can quit blabbing and start on the real writing.

I must say, I really missed this. Speaking my mind in front of a stupid screen that never talks back. Not afraid that anyone reads this 'cause it's too boring to be given any credit anyway. A sort of little escape from my usual busy life.

I'd rather not write about the in between. There were a lot of good times though. A lot of drinking and goofing around. Can't say there wasn't much substance because I thrived and enjoyed with the company of friends.

I've just realized though that I've actually let 3 odd years for MYSELF slip away. I can't really say there's been much development of self. I've been hovering mostly throughout these past years. Going with the flow of things. Letting fate take its course.

Well, not anymore. I'm making my own path. I'm going to be happy.

Snakes and Ladders

Sana matutunan natin muli
Kung paano makipagkilala
Kung paano maging malapit

Ayaw ko na kasi sana
Mawala ang himig
Ng ating kanta

Huwag na sanang maulit
Na tayo’y magkalayo
Oras ang tanging susi

Sundan ang mga hagdan
At huwag ang mga ahas
Nang di maligaw ang landas

Sana payagan mo ako
Makapasok muli sa mundo mo
Huwag sana iwalang bahala ang mga katok ko

Sawa na akong magkamali
Ayaw ko nang tumigil sa gitna
Sana sumangayon ka

minsan nagiging baduy talaga ako

Kahit paulit-ulit ang damit
Kahit na namantsahan, natanggalan ng tahi
Kahit na di nakapaghilamos
Kahit na sira pa ang sapatos

Hindi kailangang suot mo’y bago
Hindi ka man nakapagpabango
Hindi nakapagsipilyo
Hindi ayos ang kwelyo

Kahit na may muta
Kahit mukhang batang pariwara
Kahit amoy sigarilyo
Kahit magaspang ang kamay mo

Hindi itsura mo ang importante sa akin
Hindi yun ang umakit sa akin
Hindi damit mong swabe o bago mong relo
Hindi sapatos mong balat na gawang italyano

Ikaw lang ang imporante
Ikaw ang reyna sa palasyo
Sabihin mo mang baduy ako
Tapat ang tula ng puso ko

sa tuwing gabi't nag-iisa

At kung akala mo’y nag-iisa ka,
Magdalawang-isip ka muna.
Minsan hindi natin alam,
Ang kasaguta’y nariyan lamang.

Marahil dala lang ng agaw-dilim,
Nang akalain walang nagmamahal sa atin.
Maghintay ka lang at lalabas rin,
Ang mga talang nagnining-ning.

At kung ikaw naman ay lamigin,
Tahan na’t sayo’y may magkukumot rin.
Tatabihan ka at hangin ay pauurungin.
Bubulungan ka ng naka-aayang tugtugin.

Paliliguan ka ng masalimuhang salita.
Aakbayan ka’t yayakapin ka.
Hanggang sa makatulog ka na,
At mapanaginipang araw mo’y siskat rin.

hello

hello
is the strongest word i know

where roads,
once parallel,
divulge

where an inverted ellipse,
a cross-eyed blankness,
erase

when two five pointed figures
two surfaces,
intertwine

when two pairs of red ovals,
fit perfectly

and two stars
close in passion

and then,
there is goodbye...

paano kaya kung

Sana alam mo nalang
Lahat ng aking nararamdaman
Lahat ng nilalaman
Ng puso ko’t isipan

Baka kasi masmaganda
Ang pagdidikta sakin ng tadhana
Kaysa sa ganito
Parang batang nawawala

Wari kasi kung saan pupunta
‘Di maintindihan ang turo ng mga tala
Marahil ganito nga
Ang siyang sa akin itinakda

Manghula na muna kung anung kalalabasan
Eh, ano nga naman ang buhay,
Kung bawat pag apak ay alam?
Hindi muna makipaglaro sa walang kasiguruhan

nang minsang maging masama si katotohanan

lasing sa alamat ng kahapon
hindi mabatid kung saan maparoroon
ayaw pumayag sa bukas na kagigisnan
hindi matanggap na magsisigisingan

bukas, nariyan na si katotohanan

lumilipad sa mga ulap
walang humpay na pag-uusap
masasarap na pag kantahan
luha ay hindi mapigilan

bukas, nariyan na si katotohanan

sa dagat walang humpay na lumalangoy
kung anu-anong lugar ang naitataghoy
masarap sanang baybayin ang kalawakan
nakakalungkot na pagisipan

bukas, nariyan na si katotohanan

lumilipas ang oras sa paglalaro
kasiyahan sa puso'y hindi maitago
umiinog ang lahat sa katuwaan
ang hirap mabitawan ang kabataan

pero...

bukas, nariyan na si katotohanan

magsalamin muna sa umaga

iba-iba lang talaga lahat ng tao
mabuburat ka at maiinis sa kanila

may iba nariyan lang kapag may kailangan
may iba naman sariling mundo ang iniinugan

yung iba trip mayaman, mahirap naman
yung iba tila masaya, sira ulo pala

yung iba hindi maaasahan
yung iba tila parang pampunas lang

mayroon ring mga walang sariling utak
mayroon ring hindi mo alam kung ano ang balak

may iba b.i.
may iba hindi mo alam, yun pala nbi

mayroon namang nagpapanggap na santo't santa
mayroon ring mga demonyo lang talaga

may mga nagmamarunong
may mga nagtatangatangahan lang

may mga kulang sa pansin as sigi lang sa pagyabang
may mga sobra naman sa kabaitan magtataka ka na lang

maraming magsasang-ayon sa akin, diba?
pero teka, teka lang muna

nanalamin ka na ba't naghilamos?
nilinis mo na ba iyong mga muta mo?

'yang tuyong laway mo?
'yang luga sa tenga mo?

bago tayo mangutya ng iba
manalamin muna sa umaga

next move

still you are
the foundations of my youth
and difficult it is
to let go of the warmth

getting older
we all are
each one of us
taking a new path

step 2 of life
my way
step 3
yours

how do we each learn?
i'm no kid anymore

are we same in seeking shelter?

the shelters of our past

when life was easy.
educational days

now its my turn to venture the wild.

my time to be a man.

happy father's day to all dads!!!

huwag susuko

at kung sakaling nagiisa ka diyan
huwag magwaring ako'y iyong sasandalan
hindi kita iiwanan, hindi tatalikuran

at sa pagusbong ng bukas ay malungkot parin
huwag magatubiling ako'y iyong hanapin
lahat ay gagawin, lahat sisiskapin

pero kung ikaw rin ang umayaw
wala akong magagawa
buhay mo pagaari mo
wala nang iba

sana maintindihan mo lang
na lahat ng bagay ay may katuturan
lahat ng pangyayari'y may pinanggagalingan
lahat ng ginagawa mo'y may kahulugan

siguro nga mahirap kung minsan
pero ito lang ang aalalahanin sana,
maaalala ba ang ligaya kung hindi dadaan sa baha?

sinong bestfriend mo doon?

After a series of events




After the growing distance




You can't just come back,

like that. In an instance.



You may think its just that easy



But frankly, its not.



See the spaces?
Fill them up.



and maybe you can think again.



Who is your bestfriend?







Because if you're saying I still am,



We are not on the same page...

missing

bumalik ka na
ngunit 'di ka pa nakikita
kailan pa kaya kita
muling magugunita

nais kang makapiling
nais kang yakapin
nais lang humiling
na ika'y sumama sa akin

sana'y magkita tayo
bukas man o ngayon
sa panaginip aantayin
sa paggising hahanapin

bukas

hinihintay ang iyong ngiti
inaabangan na iyong mapawi
ang kalungkutan ngayong gabi
sa presensya mong mapalamuti

ngayon ika'y nasa malayo
ngunit nanakubli parin sa aking puso
na inaasam ang iyong pagbalik
at sasalubungin ka ng halik

sa iyo namulat nang muli
at pumanaw ang pagkasawi
sa iyo muling nabuhayan
at nawala ang lahat ng kasinungalingan

sana'y sa iyong pagdating
ang lahat ay pareho pa rin

we, wishing, hoping

'tis never an intention
for the heart to crave attention
its mostly pure affection
intuition and attraction

like running through the rain
sun setting, calling your name
challenging the shame
hoping you feel the same

just hoping that you will
lay your head, be still
wrapped around my arms
listen to the song of my heart

feel the warmth of summer with me
and then begin to see
that me and you are meant to be
waking up's not right without we

nakita ka pa talaga

di ka nalang sana nakita
e kasama pa pala kita
sa grupong binuo
ng mga taong gustong matuto

nagunita ka lang
gumuho na pati ang buwan
hindi man namalayan
ikaw pa rin ang nilalaman ng pusong naguguluhan

hindi ko talaga alam
kung dapat ba siya'y sundan
at mawalan na ng pakialam
sa magpakailanman

wala naman kasing nangyari
sa ating dalawa
bago pa man masimulan
hinarangan mo na ang daanan

e aasa pa ba ako
sa bukas na walang kasiguraduhan
sa pintong nakasarado
sa pusong walang pahintulot?

nalulungkot ako, aamin ako sa iyo
na sana'y nabigyan man lang ako
ng pakakataong mapakilala ang totoo kong pagkatao
at kung sino ba talaga ako

wala akong sinisisi
wala ka namang kasalanan
sana lang maintindihan
ang isang taong may ipinaglalaban

ipinaglalabang pagmamahal
sa taong hindi man lang makakita
ay ewan ko ba
sana man lang magsisi ka

just tonight

you left me just tonight
without thinking of any reason why

you left without a trace
without even showing your face

you left me just tonight
and i don't even know why

just like blink of an eye
you forgot about you and i

headshot

ba't 'di ka matuwa?
ngawa ka nang ngawa
sapul ako, oo
pero 'di ako tanga

dati na kasi akong pinaso
sinasabi ko sa'yo
kaya takot akong tumaya
masakit kasing madapa

kung may tutunguhan ba
sabihan mo ako
'di ako manghuhula
'di lahat alam ko

sapul ako, oo
pero 'di ako tanga
kung ayaw mo sa akin
puwes bahala ka na

hindi ko masasabi
na 'di ako masasaktan
gusto nga kita
kaya natural na 'yan

kung gusto mo ako
ipakita mo man lang
tao ako, nakararamdam
hindi bato na walang pakialam

sapul ako, oo
pero 'di ako tanga
sana maintindihan mo
na minamahal kita

sembreak

isang buwan halos
panahon para utak ay mapahinga
oras upang katawa'y kumalma

hindi nga lang napigil
ang puso sa panggigigil
sa pagtibok

utang na loob
saklolo
ayoko nang lumubog

ang lamig ng oktubre ko

hindi ko alam kung ano'ng nangyari sa'yo
hindi natatanto kahit na anino mo

para kang bato
napakatigas mo

ang lamig ng oktubre ko
akala mo parang pasko

ni sambit man ng mga bati ko
hindi nasasagot ng simpleng "hello"

eh ano bang gagawin ko
dito sa nararamdaman ko para sa'yo?

magpapakagago ba ako?
dahil ikaw ang gusto ko?

nawindang ang mundo ko
mula nang pinasok mo ito

pero mga pahapyaw ko'y 'di mo nasalo
mastalo pa ako sa tumaya ng lotto

assurance por favor

in a careful, cautious pace
open eyes, open heart
hoping each move leads to another
seeking not a dead end

every step, an adventure
every next scene unknown
every dream, more important
every day spent, a joy

and when not hearing from you
lost and in unrest
when searching for you
troubled and in need

yearning for the warmth
hungry for your touch
even a single breath
is a precious life renewed

feeling that every effort falls in vain
not accepted, just thrown away
not needed, just playing a game
hiding, not wanting to be found

tell me then, what it is you yearn
tell me someday, somehow
that the clouds of doubt shall wander
elsewhere, not here, not now

keep me from falling
if I'm falling to an undending doom
keep me from loving
if loving you is being but a fool

oasis in the end

so we've been
through days of unfulfillment
through rough winds of endangerment
through storm-drenched dawns

with solid breaths
trying to hold still in the earth's anger
persuading to never give up
fighting, staying alive

for sacrifice is a speck of dust
in a desert vast, undending
seemingly endless
hoplessly desolate

when with a blink
an oasis appears
all the toils and troubles
suddenly fade and disappear

so always hold on
as the winds threaten your trust
and the current leads you away
and the waves drown your hopes

I will be with you
arms opened wide
face concerned
while wishing your will

praying for your perseverance
knowing you will prevail
seeing the eyes of a fighter
who never qiuts on a dream

caught up in an everlasting joy

not really so sure about this feeling
a feeling much higher than any high
undoubtedly I'm feeling a rhapsody
a lightness and a strong conviction
creeping, starting from where my heart beats

slowly it covers my everyday
with thoughts of you that linger
in every time I gaze into reality
that is in a dream that is relived
each moment repeating a smile of yesterday

can this fool be really in such bliss?
what have the heavens brought in front of me?
can i really handle this feeling?
caught up in an everlasting joy

seemingly crazy but isn't that what all fools are?
crazy when love knocks on their door
covered up in passion, waiting to explore
caught up in an everlasting joy

what I have is not enough, I know

like a sorry old coin you don't remember
you dropped under the seat of your car
waiting to be noticed one desperate morning
willing to burn away the time for that moment

frozen there like the unwound clock
sitting by the piles of paper on your desk
staring at you needing to be put to life again
wanting to stretch my arms around once more

just like the dirty old rag you walk on
as you hurrily enter your white front door
every single night you come back home
needing to be cleansed from this misery

because my love falls like the water
flowing from the mountain top
reaching far to touch your soul

and my heart burns just like the shore
as the waves push to kiss the sand
with sweet passion, gently crashing

because my feelings are so real
like the moon that illuminates
even the darkest starless sky

what i have is not enough, i know
but even though its not that much
you can always count on this, my dear
whatever i have, is always for you
and what i feel for you will always be true

seal it with a kiss

what does each new day have in store for me?
is every other minute another mystery?
a new door that is opening
to an unending starlit sky?
waiting for a touch to take away the cold,
sitting here just waiting for your call

is it in your hand that i can depend?
take away all my hurt; take away my sorrow
is it that everlasting smile,
that draws me close to you
and keeps me running back to you?

i want to feel your lips
gently pressing on to mine
seal it with a kiss
that keeps telling me your mine

saturday

Unexpectedly, i find myself clinging on
Holding on to every memory with you
Rewinding back to that day,
that night when i first met you

Thinking, vividly, of that place,
in a wild yet peaceful setting,
while the moon shun through the clouds,
and quiet drizzles would, once in a while, tease

It was then that we were introduced,
influenced by alcohol and unending clamor
We painted a picture of each self,
to forever linger in the depths of our feelings

I know more of you just by that moment
Yet, I still hunger to know you more
Will we be graced with another situation,
and find, as we dance violently, a serentiy to share?

dedicated to the people who went to 19A Grouper Street, Subic July 2-3, 2005

i miss you

just two weeks since we first met
just two days since we last saw each other
just two hours since we last talked
but not a minute passes by that i don't miss you

your smile is all i need
your kiss makes me believe
your love is all i ask
and i'm happy with you at last

under a blanket of stars
we are in each other's arms
with rythmic movement we dance
and hold each other's hands

i wait for each moment with anxiousness
when i can finally feel your nearness
all i can do now is wish
and think about the one i miss

boy meets girl and vice versa

noong una, hindi sigurado
kung gagalaw at kikilos
iniisip na hindi nararapat
ang tulad ko sa kaniya

nahihiya at nagdadalawang isip
puso at utak, hindi umiimik
may pakiramdam na hindi, ni minsan, naranasan
nang siya'y biglang lumapit

tumabi siya't ngumiti
puso ko'y panandaliang napigil
ngumiti pabalik ng may hiya
nadinig ko ang kaniyang tawa

nagpakilala siya
kung kaya't ganun narin ako
mata ko'y di makatitig
kamay ko'y di mapakali

hindi alam ang sasabihin
hindi alam ang gagawin
parang batang naligaw
natatakot, ngunit di pinamimithi

parang isang torpeng tinulak
ipinabahala na ang pagkatapos
idinasal nalang sa Diyos
na ang sandaling iyon ay hindi na matapos

nakilala ko siya
nakilala niya ako
sa pagtapos nitong tula
magsisimula na ako

can this be real?

with andaunting uncertainty
a movement unparallel
a feeling unthought of
finally feeling for another

with fingers crossed
a heart open and hoping
for the same warmth
and the realness felt

for all the feelings of delight
for the nearness and trust
for the unselfishness and giving
for the sharing of souls

it is hard not to wonder
if it could happen again
finding one's self
in a blissful state

just simply wishing
that it would be the same
or even better than the past
with real love and affection

yet still wondering
if it is really better
the second time around
when one has learned from his mistakes

lubdub

though deaf ears don't hear
and blind eyes do not see
it does not matter
because a heart overflowing
is all one needs

with love and unending desire
with power and unyielding passion
one does not need to see, hear
for his heart communicates so clear

sands and stars

"Dream of red sands and silent stars," she said.
The meaning, I am still unsure of.
While I twist and turn on my bed,
And the alcohol swims inside of me,
My mind is in a state of wonder.

I figured out today,
that in a world of possible things,
It wont hurt to dream the unknown,
The impossible.

Magsaya

Alintana man ang nakaraan
Masakit man ang pinanggalingan
Mabaho man ang dinaanan
Sa simpleng ligaya ay nabubura

Sinaktan man ng hagupit
Kinaladkad man at pinasabit
Binastos at iwinalang-bahala
Magsaya't may bukas pa

Hindi na importante ang kahapon
Hindi na naaalala iyon
Kinalimutan na ang kahalagahan
At iniwan na ang kinasaktan

Hindi man mahilom ang sugat
Hindi na rin iniintindi ang sakit
Dahil wala nang pakialam
At hindi rin naman talaga nasaktan

Kathang-isip lamang na dati siya'y nariyan
Ngunit ang katotohanan
Guni-guni ko lamang
Masaya na, dahil sa wakas siya na ri'y nalimutan

Lead Me Where To Go

Steadfastly moving in coherence
With arms widespread and heart open
Eventually receiving the translation
Unfortunately confronting the harsh truth

With a fist enclosed and a heart in flames
With a mind wrecked and a heart mixed up
Realization of a folly made true
And a lie just left to be realized

Nothing is clear still, nothing is real
Nothing explainable, nothing I can hear
Still feeling betrayed and forgotten
Still feeling the chill of the sting

By a shared promise forgotten
A cherished yesterday left to dry
A happy ending wasted in the wind
A promise written by the cursed

in search

Finding myself in a middle of a maze,
Puzzled uncertain and desolate
I reach out for help
I cry for answers
I search for meaning

Busily I am unable to see,
The truth wandering over,
The friendship torn apart,
The reality of it all,
The betrayal and wandering of souls

One word changed it all
One mistake kept me lost
One challenge made me hesitant
One person made me whole
One day I will have it all

Come to think of it,
The burden rests not on me
The maze is but a fickle imagination,
That visits every now and then
Those who make me seek,
Are those who are in reality, lost

For as you live in a world of bliss,
when you sleep, there is uncertainty,
If you will wake from a dream,
Or from a nightmare;
A hole you dug yourself in too deep

hindi ko alam

Hinagpis ng pagluha
Kabigatang hindi maintindiham
Inis na hanggang ngayo'y nararamdaman
Ng isang pusong basta na lang iniwanan

Walang pasabi man lang
Biglang ibang landas na ang kinuhanan
Hindi na muling itinahak
Ang kalsadang parating dinadaanan

Parang tinalikuran na lamang
Ng Hudas na walang pakialam
Wala man lang kinikilingan
At walang iniisip man lang

Hindi na siguro maipapawi
Ang tadyak na nadama ko
Sa bawat pagsulong sa baha
Nadarama ko parin ang pagluha

Mistulan Nang Nawawala

Hirap na sa paghuhula
Dinadala lang ng pasensya
Naghahanap ng kasagutan
Namumuhay sa pangarap
Ngumingiti sa mga alaala
Nagdadalamhati sa nadarama
Hinahanap ang kasiyahan
Sa lugar na hindi kaniya

Hindi kailanman naanyayaan
Ng kamahalan at karangyaan
At patuloy na inaasa ang inaasam
Sa hindi naman nakakakita
Habang patuloy na idinidikta
Ang mga naisususlat na tula
Sa hindi naman makaunawa

Hindi humihingi
Naghahanap lamang
Ng kaunting pagtutulak
At pagpapaalala
Kung ang ginagawa'y mali na
O kung may tatahakin pang pag-asa

A Bird's Eye View

Love moves indistinctively
With no reprise and with no warning
It encompasses the whole heart
And leads the mind into choosing
It leads to inspiration and passion
It creates a pseudo truth in a world full of lies
It sugarcoats the darkness and blinds the unkind


It is a bittersweet experience
And a teaching of truth
It is forever a mystery
Where blindness in not necessarily a burden
It is a formation of one from two
A collection of reality
And a formation of value and what matters most

Un...

There is a side of me that lingers in your presence
Aand a side of me that hides from your eyes,
Unseen, unfelt, uncared-for...

With slashes of a burning knife and stabs from darts,
I am uncherished, unthought-of, unknown...
In treacherous waters i choose to dive
Where there is uncertainty, unawareness, unlove...
When will i be saved from the unjust, unhappy, uninspired?

confusion (mind vs. heart)

What do I do?
Do I give it all up to live a life just for you?
Where do I go?
'Cause I want to be where ever you go
What do I say?
When what you've done is take those words away...

I want to stop thinking and start moving on
I guess its the hardest thing to do
Since the very bottom line is a life spent with you
I'm sick and tired of hiding
all the pain and the fear and the madness deep inside
Please let me do the singing
And I'll bring you to the moon and to the stars

I want to show you how it feels to be left behind
Yet I can't get myself to do
'Cause of the pain you might feel in your heart
Inspite all the hurt I've had from the start
I can't think of passing them on to you
'Cause its in you I hold on to
And its you who makes me new

What we have here is a failure to communicate

What goes on in that mind of yours?
More importantly, what does your heart speak?
Must I be riddled in all the day's hours?
Is your embrace asleep as I seek?

What will be my shelter while you hide?
What will be my shield, my strength, my guide?
Who do I run to when my eyes start to weep?
Who will I lean on to when I am weak?

It's a pain that you alone can mend
It's a thirst that you alone can quench
It's a numbness you alone can awake
It's a madness only you can contain

For it is in your strength I attain my own
It by your side that I am never alone
It is in you that I am able to see the light
But why is it in the darkness you choose to reside?

In the darkness where I am unable to see
In the darkness where anger supresses me
In the darkness where I am tired and lost
In the darkness where I am but a shadow, a ghost

A mere breath can bring back the tranquility
A mere whisper can bring the dusk to dawn
A song can awaken the morning sun
But all is lost if you are gone

A Cut Throat Lie

Love made me cry last night
For once again I was denied
From Happiness, From smiles
Once again i was set aside
Pushed over by reasons and alibis

Waited hours for a moment together
Then reality lead itself in
Instead of a happily ever after ending
Love, which started it, sourly ended my dream

make it known

i need the hair that flows softly from her head
on her face, the lips that bloom so red
her eyes that wander everytime that she is shy
her arms that sway as she treads by

i need her hands, that touch of warmth
with overflowing care
her body standing proudly with stability and strength
most of all, her fragility where i can only give my care

will i finally get to mend those wounds,
tame that fear, and finally make her
heart beat truthfully again?

love and a book

Opening a book is the most difficult thing to do. Like love, it makes you hesitate at first. Once started; makes you wish it would never end. When ended; leaves you wanting even more.

where she is

often assumed
seldom felt
most of the time wanted, needed, longed for

Sand

The sands blown by the wind travel far, though unnoticable as they part ways and become mere tiny specks. And as a speck the sand waits until again it is blown to its place and is able to signifiy beauty once again.

and so the saying is true, sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down...

This stout guy, a professor of mine in the university was blabbing theological ideas to us students at around 130 to 300 this afternoon... Of all the things he said, what struck me was something he quoted about this philosopher, Martin Heighdeger ( I really don't know how to spell out his last name but that's that.) He said that as we grow older, we are not living but in a way dying and we really don't know when. This made me think a lot of what was going on in this travel of mine. Maybe it just is that way. You live to inevitably die and it was made clear to me the importance of what I do as I journey along this world. Do I really have substance or am I a fool knowing nothing, experiencing numbness? In this, I've realized that sadness is merely stupidity. Emotions are part of our living and living is, in itself, the beauty given to us. Through the laughs, the joys, the tears, the madness, there is one truth--that life is unique as we are and in this, we must realize that we are here to experience and to pleasure ourselves, be thankful for being alive and hope for the best. Because as the wheel turns, it will roll back up again. And if we feel sad, it's, most of the time, just our stubbornness and blindness of being able to see the most important thing. We are alive, we are loved (even though we think otherwise) and life is short to be stupid. Anticipate the end; it is unclear. Yet, we have today, this hour, this minute, this second, this moment, to feel lucky that we are, indeed, alive.