and so the saying is true, sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down...

This stout guy, a professor of mine in the university was blabbing theological ideas to us students at around 130 to 300 this afternoon... Of all the things he said, what struck me was something he quoted about this philosopher, Martin Heighdeger ( I really don't know how to spell out his last name but that's that.) He said that as we grow older, we are not living but in a way dying and we really don't know when. This made me think a lot of what was going on in this travel of mine. Maybe it just is that way. You live to inevitably die and it was made clear to me the importance of what I do as I journey along this world. Do I really have substance or am I a fool knowing nothing, experiencing numbness? In this, I've realized that sadness is merely stupidity. Emotions are part of our living and living is, in itself, the beauty given to us. Through the laughs, the joys, the tears, the madness, there is one truth--that life is unique as we are and in this, we must realize that we are here to experience and to pleasure ourselves, be thankful for being alive and hope for the best. Because as the wheel turns, it will roll back up again. And if we feel sad, it's, most of the time, just our stubbornness and blindness of being able to see the most important thing. We are alive, we are loved (even though we think otherwise) and life is short to be stupid. Anticipate the end; it is unclear. Yet, we have today, this hour, this minute, this second, this moment, to feel lucky that we are, indeed, alive.

Tending to The Garden

I fear for I don't know why it is so... And what I am unclear of, I try so hard to find. Yet, continuing my search seems hopeless when the answer is the question and the both of them is you... How haste brought happiness and sadness like blinks of an eye they opened and closed, leaving not much to cherish. You just look away and its done... That moment of bliss and an apparent infinite dream, took away by a thief with no identity, no name... Hoping for something i'm not even sure exists and it pains like a bullet, hurts like a sad song... And though I try to believe otherwise, the virus is incurable for you came, then you left without a trace... With no reason to go, and no face to show... Instead of letting the garden grow, you sold the seeds into a future we both don't know...

don't think. just write.

What do you write when you can think of nothing to? i decided to just write whatever comes to mind. Well, here goes... I watched the amazing race finale a while ago and i was full of envy seeing those fucking foreigners enter a game, come into the philippines, get a chance to visit palawan (somewhere i haven't been to even if i am a filipino). And those fools don't know what the Philippine flag looks like... How arrogant... Lucky they are to have gone to Palawan, but, still, those Americans, they're stupid...

masking

was there ever a time when you thought that you knew everything or was capable of doing anything because you were so sure that you can never feel the pain, be hurt, or feel unwanted? well, that's what i used to believe myself to be... but when you grow up and you learn to actually feel or actually act upon life, you find it not as easy as it seems... first you learn that even though you love, it isn't certain that love embraces you back... then you find yourself fighting with everything you've got but it just isn't enough because the light you emanate and the painting that you are is just not what their looking for... then failure starts to daunt you... its inevitable that you encounter it once in a while... its a curse, maybe, that we all just have to live with... then there's shame... why do we have to deal with it? aren't we supposed to live our life as we choose to live them? aren't we the makers of our own courses in life? then why was shame invented? was it because we should be awaken from the fact that life is really not perfect? i believe it could have been if not for those arrogant fools who think they have everything in the world... but it's obvious that they still get jealous of seeing other people happy so they trample on the little ones and they feel satisfied because they feel that they have gained... and so now everyone is ashamed... everyone wants to hide... everyone wants to be or even just seem happy in life just because they are ashamed...

now people wear masks. it feels so close to living... it is how people, somehow, feel secure...

while i'd like to curse whoever created shame, i'd like to say thanks to the one who created the analogy of the mask to pretention... its been a very helpful alternative to living.

at least to me it has...