Magsaya

Alintana man ang nakaraan
Masakit man ang pinanggalingan
Mabaho man ang dinaanan
Sa simpleng ligaya ay nabubura

Sinaktan man ng hagupit
Kinaladkad man at pinasabit
Binastos at iwinalang-bahala
Magsaya't may bukas pa

Hindi na importante ang kahapon
Hindi na naaalala iyon
Kinalimutan na ang kahalagahan
At iniwan na ang kinasaktan

Hindi man mahilom ang sugat
Hindi na rin iniintindi ang sakit
Dahil wala nang pakialam
At hindi rin naman talaga nasaktan

Kathang-isip lamang na dati siya'y nariyan
Ngunit ang katotohanan
Guni-guni ko lamang
Masaya na, dahil sa wakas siya na ri'y nalimutan

Lead Me Where To Go

Steadfastly moving in coherence
With arms widespread and heart open
Eventually receiving the translation
Unfortunately confronting the harsh truth

With a fist enclosed and a heart in flames
With a mind wrecked and a heart mixed up
Realization of a folly made true
And a lie just left to be realized

Nothing is clear still, nothing is real
Nothing explainable, nothing I can hear
Still feeling betrayed and forgotten
Still feeling the chill of the sting

By a shared promise forgotten
A cherished yesterday left to dry
A happy ending wasted in the wind
A promise written by the cursed

in search

Finding myself in a middle of a maze,
Puzzled uncertain and desolate
I reach out for help
I cry for answers
I search for meaning

Busily I am unable to see,
The truth wandering over,
The friendship torn apart,
The reality of it all,
The betrayal and wandering of souls

One word changed it all
One mistake kept me lost
One challenge made me hesitant
One person made me whole
One day I will have it all

Come to think of it,
The burden rests not on me
The maze is but a fickle imagination,
That visits every now and then
Those who make me seek,
Are those who are in reality, lost

For as you live in a world of bliss,
when you sleep, there is uncertainty,
If you will wake from a dream,
Or from a nightmare;
A hole you dug yourself in too deep

hindi ko alam

Hinagpis ng pagluha
Kabigatang hindi maintindiham
Inis na hanggang ngayo'y nararamdaman
Ng isang pusong basta na lang iniwanan

Walang pasabi man lang
Biglang ibang landas na ang kinuhanan
Hindi na muling itinahak
Ang kalsadang parating dinadaanan

Parang tinalikuran na lamang
Ng Hudas na walang pakialam
Wala man lang kinikilingan
At walang iniisip man lang

Hindi na siguro maipapawi
Ang tadyak na nadama ko
Sa bawat pagsulong sa baha
Nadarama ko parin ang pagluha

Mistulan Nang Nawawala

Hirap na sa paghuhula
Dinadala lang ng pasensya
Naghahanap ng kasagutan
Namumuhay sa pangarap
Ngumingiti sa mga alaala
Nagdadalamhati sa nadarama
Hinahanap ang kasiyahan
Sa lugar na hindi kaniya

Hindi kailanman naanyayaan
Ng kamahalan at karangyaan
At patuloy na inaasa ang inaasam
Sa hindi naman nakakakita
Habang patuloy na idinidikta
Ang mga naisususlat na tula
Sa hindi naman makaunawa

Hindi humihingi
Naghahanap lamang
Ng kaunting pagtutulak
At pagpapaalala
Kung ang ginagawa'y mali na
O kung may tatahakin pang pag-asa

A Bird's Eye View

Love moves indistinctively
With no reprise and with no warning
It encompasses the whole heart
And leads the mind into choosing
It leads to inspiration and passion
It creates a pseudo truth in a world full of lies
It sugarcoats the darkness and blinds the unkind


It is a bittersweet experience
And a teaching of truth
It is forever a mystery
Where blindness in not necessarily a burden
It is a formation of one from two
A collection of reality
And a formation of value and what matters most

Un...

There is a side of me that lingers in your presence
Aand a side of me that hides from your eyes,
Unseen, unfelt, uncared-for...

With slashes of a burning knife and stabs from darts,
I am uncherished, unthought-of, unknown...
In treacherous waters i choose to dive
Where there is uncertainty, unawareness, unlove...
When will i be saved from the unjust, unhappy, uninspired?

confusion (mind vs. heart)

What do I do?
Do I give it all up to live a life just for you?
Where do I go?
'Cause I want to be where ever you go
What do I say?
When what you've done is take those words away...

I want to stop thinking and start moving on
I guess its the hardest thing to do
Since the very bottom line is a life spent with you
I'm sick and tired of hiding
all the pain and the fear and the madness deep inside
Please let me do the singing
And I'll bring you to the moon and to the stars

I want to show you how it feels to be left behind
Yet I can't get myself to do
'Cause of the pain you might feel in your heart
Inspite all the hurt I've had from the start
I can't think of passing them on to you
'Cause its in you I hold on to
And its you who makes me new

What we have here is a failure to communicate

What goes on in that mind of yours?
More importantly, what does your heart speak?
Must I be riddled in all the day's hours?
Is your embrace asleep as I seek?

What will be my shelter while you hide?
What will be my shield, my strength, my guide?
Who do I run to when my eyes start to weep?
Who will I lean on to when I am weak?

It's a pain that you alone can mend
It's a thirst that you alone can quench
It's a numbness you alone can awake
It's a madness only you can contain

For it is in your strength I attain my own
It by your side that I am never alone
It is in you that I am able to see the light
But why is it in the darkness you choose to reside?

In the darkness where I am unable to see
In the darkness where anger supresses me
In the darkness where I am tired and lost
In the darkness where I am but a shadow, a ghost

A mere breath can bring back the tranquility
A mere whisper can bring the dusk to dawn
A song can awaken the morning sun
But all is lost if you are gone

A Cut Throat Lie

Love made me cry last night
For once again I was denied
From Happiness, From smiles
Once again i was set aside
Pushed over by reasons and alibis

Waited hours for a moment together
Then reality lead itself in
Instead of a happily ever after ending
Love, which started it, sourly ended my dream

make it known

i need the hair that flows softly from her head
on her face, the lips that bloom so red
her eyes that wander everytime that she is shy
her arms that sway as she treads by

i need her hands, that touch of warmth
with overflowing care
her body standing proudly with stability and strength
most of all, her fragility where i can only give my care

will i finally get to mend those wounds,
tame that fear, and finally make her
heart beat truthfully again?

love and a book

Opening a book is the most difficult thing to do. Like love, it makes you hesitate at first. Once started; makes you wish it would never end. When ended; leaves you wanting even more.

where she is

often assumed
seldom felt
most of the time wanted, needed, longed for

Sand

The sands blown by the wind travel far, though unnoticable as they part ways and become mere tiny specks. And as a speck the sand waits until again it is blown to its place and is able to signifiy beauty once again.

and so the saying is true, sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down...

This stout guy, a professor of mine in the university was blabbing theological ideas to us students at around 130 to 300 this afternoon... Of all the things he said, what struck me was something he quoted about this philosopher, Martin Heighdeger ( I really don't know how to spell out his last name but that's that.) He said that as we grow older, we are not living but in a way dying and we really don't know when. This made me think a lot of what was going on in this travel of mine. Maybe it just is that way. You live to inevitably die and it was made clear to me the importance of what I do as I journey along this world. Do I really have substance or am I a fool knowing nothing, experiencing numbness? In this, I've realized that sadness is merely stupidity. Emotions are part of our living and living is, in itself, the beauty given to us. Through the laughs, the joys, the tears, the madness, there is one truth--that life is unique as we are and in this, we must realize that we are here to experience and to pleasure ourselves, be thankful for being alive and hope for the best. Because as the wheel turns, it will roll back up again. And if we feel sad, it's, most of the time, just our stubbornness and blindness of being able to see the most important thing. We are alive, we are loved (even though we think otherwise) and life is short to be stupid. Anticipate the end; it is unclear. Yet, we have today, this hour, this minute, this second, this moment, to feel lucky that we are, indeed, alive.

Tending to The Garden

I fear for I don't know why it is so... And what I am unclear of, I try so hard to find. Yet, continuing my search seems hopeless when the answer is the question and the both of them is you... How haste brought happiness and sadness like blinks of an eye they opened and closed, leaving not much to cherish. You just look away and its done... That moment of bliss and an apparent infinite dream, took away by a thief with no identity, no name... Hoping for something i'm not even sure exists and it pains like a bullet, hurts like a sad song... And though I try to believe otherwise, the virus is incurable for you came, then you left without a trace... With no reason to go, and no face to show... Instead of letting the garden grow, you sold the seeds into a future we both don't know...

don't think. just write.

What do you write when you can think of nothing to? i decided to just write whatever comes to mind. Well, here goes... I watched the amazing race finale a while ago and i was full of envy seeing those fucking foreigners enter a game, come into the philippines, get a chance to visit palawan (somewhere i haven't been to even if i am a filipino). And those fools don't know what the Philippine flag looks like... How arrogant... Lucky they are to have gone to Palawan, but, still, those Americans, they're stupid...

masking

was there ever a time when you thought that you knew everything or was capable of doing anything because you were so sure that you can never feel the pain, be hurt, or feel unwanted? well, that's what i used to believe myself to be... but when you grow up and you learn to actually feel or actually act upon life, you find it not as easy as it seems... first you learn that even though you love, it isn't certain that love embraces you back... then you find yourself fighting with everything you've got but it just isn't enough because the light you emanate and the painting that you are is just not what their looking for... then failure starts to daunt you... its inevitable that you encounter it once in a while... its a curse, maybe, that we all just have to live with... then there's shame... why do we have to deal with it? aren't we supposed to live our life as we choose to live them? aren't we the makers of our own courses in life? then why was shame invented? was it because we should be awaken from the fact that life is really not perfect? i believe it could have been if not for those arrogant fools who think they have everything in the world... but it's obvious that they still get jealous of seeing other people happy so they trample on the little ones and they feel satisfied because they feel that they have gained... and so now everyone is ashamed... everyone wants to hide... everyone wants to be or even just seem happy in life just because they are ashamed...

now people wear masks. it feels so close to living... it is how people, somehow, feel secure...

while i'd like to curse whoever created shame, i'd like to say thanks to the one who created the analogy of the mask to pretention... its been a very helpful alternative to living.

at least to me it has...