headshot

ba't 'di ka matuwa?
ngawa ka nang ngawa
sapul ako, oo
pero 'di ako tanga

dati na kasi akong pinaso
sinasabi ko sa'yo
kaya takot akong tumaya
masakit kasing madapa

kung may tutunguhan ba
sabihan mo ako
'di ako manghuhula
'di lahat alam ko

sapul ako, oo
pero 'di ako tanga
kung ayaw mo sa akin
puwes bahala ka na

hindi ko masasabi
na 'di ako masasaktan
gusto nga kita
kaya natural na 'yan

kung gusto mo ako
ipakita mo man lang
tao ako, nakararamdam
hindi bato na walang pakialam

sapul ako, oo
pero 'di ako tanga
sana maintindihan mo
na minamahal kita

sembreak

isang buwan halos
panahon para utak ay mapahinga
oras upang katawa'y kumalma

hindi nga lang napigil
ang puso sa panggigigil
sa pagtibok

utang na loob
saklolo
ayoko nang lumubog

ang lamig ng oktubre ko

hindi ko alam kung ano'ng nangyari sa'yo
hindi natatanto kahit na anino mo

para kang bato
napakatigas mo

ang lamig ng oktubre ko
akala mo parang pasko

ni sambit man ng mga bati ko
hindi nasasagot ng simpleng "hello"

eh ano bang gagawin ko
dito sa nararamdaman ko para sa'yo?

magpapakagago ba ako?
dahil ikaw ang gusto ko?

nawindang ang mundo ko
mula nang pinasok mo ito

pero mga pahapyaw ko'y 'di mo nasalo
mastalo pa ako sa tumaya ng lotto

assurance por favor

in a careful, cautious pace
open eyes, open heart
hoping each move leads to another
seeking not a dead end

every step, an adventure
every next scene unknown
every dream, more important
every day spent, a joy

and when not hearing from you
lost and in unrest
when searching for you
troubled and in need

yearning for the warmth
hungry for your touch
even a single breath
is a precious life renewed

feeling that every effort falls in vain
not accepted, just thrown away
not needed, just playing a game
hiding, not wanting to be found

tell me then, what it is you yearn
tell me someday, somehow
that the clouds of doubt shall wander
elsewhere, not here, not now

keep me from falling
if I'm falling to an undending doom
keep me from loving
if loving you is being but a fool

oasis in the end

so we've been
through days of unfulfillment
through rough winds of endangerment
through storm-drenched dawns

with solid breaths
trying to hold still in the earth's anger
persuading to never give up
fighting, staying alive

for sacrifice is a speck of dust
in a desert vast, undending
seemingly endless
hoplessly desolate

when with a blink
an oasis appears
all the toils and troubles
suddenly fade and disappear

so always hold on
as the winds threaten your trust
and the current leads you away
and the waves drown your hopes

I will be with you
arms opened wide
face concerned
while wishing your will

praying for your perseverance
knowing you will prevail
seeing the eyes of a fighter
who never qiuts on a dream

caught up in an everlasting joy

not really so sure about this feeling
a feeling much higher than any high
undoubtedly I'm feeling a rhapsody
a lightness and a strong conviction
creeping, starting from where my heart beats

slowly it covers my everyday
with thoughts of you that linger
in every time I gaze into reality
that is in a dream that is relived
each moment repeating a smile of yesterday

can this fool be really in such bliss?
what have the heavens brought in front of me?
can i really handle this feeling?
caught up in an everlasting joy

seemingly crazy but isn't that what all fools are?
crazy when love knocks on their door
covered up in passion, waiting to explore
caught up in an everlasting joy

what I have is not enough, I know

like a sorry old coin you don't remember
you dropped under the seat of your car
waiting to be noticed one desperate morning
willing to burn away the time for that moment

frozen there like the unwound clock
sitting by the piles of paper on your desk
staring at you needing to be put to life again
wanting to stretch my arms around once more

just like the dirty old rag you walk on
as you hurrily enter your white front door
every single night you come back home
needing to be cleansed from this misery

because my love falls like the water
flowing from the mountain top
reaching far to touch your soul

and my heart burns just like the shore
as the waves push to kiss the sand
with sweet passion, gently crashing

because my feelings are so real
like the moon that illuminates
even the darkest starless sky

what i have is not enough, i know
but even though its not that much
you can always count on this, my dear
whatever i have, is always for you
and what i feel for you will always be true

seal it with a kiss

what does each new day have in store for me?
is every other minute another mystery?
a new door that is opening
to an unending starlit sky?
waiting for a touch to take away the cold,
sitting here just waiting for your call

is it in your hand that i can depend?
take away all my hurt; take away my sorrow
is it that everlasting smile,
that draws me close to you
and keeps me running back to you?

i want to feel your lips
gently pressing on to mine
seal it with a kiss
that keeps telling me your mine

saturday

Unexpectedly, i find myself clinging on
Holding on to every memory with you
Rewinding back to that day,
that night when i first met you

Thinking, vividly, of that place,
in a wild yet peaceful setting,
while the moon shun through the clouds,
and quiet drizzles would, once in a while, tease

It was then that we were introduced,
influenced by alcohol and unending clamor
We painted a picture of each self,
to forever linger in the depths of our feelings

I know more of you just by that moment
Yet, I still hunger to know you more
Will we be graced with another situation,
and find, as we dance violently, a serentiy to share?

dedicated to the people who went to 19A Grouper Street, Subic July 2-3, 2005

i miss you

just two weeks since we first met
just two days since we last saw each other
just two hours since we last talked
but not a minute passes by that i don't miss you

your smile is all i need
your kiss makes me believe
your love is all i ask
and i'm happy with you at last

under a blanket of stars
we are in each other's arms
with rythmic movement we dance
and hold each other's hands

i wait for each moment with anxiousness
when i can finally feel your nearness
all i can do now is wish
and think about the one i miss

boy meets girl and vice versa

noong una, hindi sigurado
kung gagalaw at kikilos
iniisip na hindi nararapat
ang tulad ko sa kaniya

nahihiya at nagdadalawang isip
puso at utak, hindi umiimik
may pakiramdam na hindi, ni minsan, naranasan
nang siya'y biglang lumapit

tumabi siya't ngumiti
puso ko'y panandaliang napigil
ngumiti pabalik ng may hiya
nadinig ko ang kaniyang tawa

nagpakilala siya
kung kaya't ganun narin ako
mata ko'y di makatitig
kamay ko'y di mapakali

hindi alam ang sasabihin
hindi alam ang gagawin
parang batang naligaw
natatakot, ngunit di pinamimithi

parang isang torpeng tinulak
ipinabahala na ang pagkatapos
idinasal nalang sa Diyos
na ang sandaling iyon ay hindi na matapos

nakilala ko siya
nakilala niya ako
sa pagtapos nitong tula
magsisimula na ako

can this be real?

with andaunting uncertainty
a movement unparallel
a feeling unthought of
finally feeling for another

with fingers crossed
a heart open and hoping
for the same warmth
and the realness felt

for all the feelings of delight
for the nearness and trust
for the unselfishness and giving
for the sharing of souls

it is hard not to wonder
if it could happen again
finding one's self
in a blissful state

just simply wishing
that it would be the same
or even better than the past
with real love and affection

yet still wondering
if it is really better
the second time around
when one has learned from his mistakes

lubdub

though deaf ears don't hear
and blind eyes do not see
it does not matter
because a heart overflowing
is all one needs

with love and unending desire
with power and unyielding passion
one does not need to see, hear
for his heart communicates so clear

sands and stars

"Dream of red sands and silent stars," she said.
The meaning, I am still unsure of.
While I twist and turn on my bed,
And the alcohol swims inside of me,
My mind is in a state of wonder.

I figured out today,
that in a world of possible things,
It wont hurt to dream the unknown,
The impossible.

Magsaya

Alintana man ang nakaraan
Masakit man ang pinanggalingan
Mabaho man ang dinaanan
Sa simpleng ligaya ay nabubura

Sinaktan man ng hagupit
Kinaladkad man at pinasabit
Binastos at iwinalang-bahala
Magsaya't may bukas pa

Hindi na importante ang kahapon
Hindi na naaalala iyon
Kinalimutan na ang kahalagahan
At iniwan na ang kinasaktan

Hindi man mahilom ang sugat
Hindi na rin iniintindi ang sakit
Dahil wala nang pakialam
At hindi rin naman talaga nasaktan

Kathang-isip lamang na dati siya'y nariyan
Ngunit ang katotohanan
Guni-guni ko lamang
Masaya na, dahil sa wakas siya na ri'y nalimutan

Lead Me Where To Go

Steadfastly moving in coherence
With arms widespread and heart open
Eventually receiving the translation
Unfortunately confronting the harsh truth

With a fist enclosed and a heart in flames
With a mind wrecked and a heart mixed up
Realization of a folly made true
And a lie just left to be realized

Nothing is clear still, nothing is real
Nothing explainable, nothing I can hear
Still feeling betrayed and forgotten
Still feeling the chill of the sting

By a shared promise forgotten
A cherished yesterday left to dry
A happy ending wasted in the wind
A promise written by the cursed

in search

Finding myself in a middle of a maze,
Puzzled uncertain and desolate
I reach out for help
I cry for answers
I search for meaning

Busily I am unable to see,
The truth wandering over,
The friendship torn apart,
The reality of it all,
The betrayal and wandering of souls

One word changed it all
One mistake kept me lost
One challenge made me hesitant
One person made me whole
One day I will have it all

Come to think of it,
The burden rests not on me
The maze is but a fickle imagination,
That visits every now and then
Those who make me seek,
Are those who are in reality, lost

For as you live in a world of bliss,
when you sleep, there is uncertainty,
If you will wake from a dream,
Or from a nightmare;
A hole you dug yourself in too deep

hindi ko alam

Hinagpis ng pagluha
Kabigatang hindi maintindiham
Inis na hanggang ngayo'y nararamdaman
Ng isang pusong basta na lang iniwanan

Walang pasabi man lang
Biglang ibang landas na ang kinuhanan
Hindi na muling itinahak
Ang kalsadang parating dinadaanan

Parang tinalikuran na lamang
Ng Hudas na walang pakialam
Wala man lang kinikilingan
At walang iniisip man lang

Hindi na siguro maipapawi
Ang tadyak na nadama ko
Sa bawat pagsulong sa baha
Nadarama ko parin ang pagluha

Mistulan Nang Nawawala

Hirap na sa paghuhula
Dinadala lang ng pasensya
Naghahanap ng kasagutan
Namumuhay sa pangarap
Ngumingiti sa mga alaala
Nagdadalamhati sa nadarama
Hinahanap ang kasiyahan
Sa lugar na hindi kaniya

Hindi kailanman naanyayaan
Ng kamahalan at karangyaan
At patuloy na inaasa ang inaasam
Sa hindi naman nakakakita
Habang patuloy na idinidikta
Ang mga naisususlat na tula
Sa hindi naman makaunawa

Hindi humihingi
Naghahanap lamang
Ng kaunting pagtutulak
At pagpapaalala
Kung ang ginagawa'y mali na
O kung may tatahakin pang pag-asa

A Bird's Eye View

Love moves indistinctively
With no reprise and with no warning
It encompasses the whole heart
And leads the mind into choosing
It leads to inspiration and passion
It creates a pseudo truth in a world full of lies
It sugarcoats the darkness and blinds the unkind


It is a bittersweet experience
And a teaching of truth
It is forever a mystery
Where blindness in not necessarily a burden
It is a formation of one from two
A collection of reality
And a formation of value and what matters most

Un...

There is a side of me that lingers in your presence
Aand a side of me that hides from your eyes,
Unseen, unfelt, uncared-for...

With slashes of a burning knife and stabs from darts,
I am uncherished, unthought-of, unknown...
In treacherous waters i choose to dive
Where there is uncertainty, unawareness, unlove...
When will i be saved from the unjust, unhappy, uninspired?

confusion (mind vs. heart)

What do I do?
Do I give it all up to live a life just for you?
Where do I go?
'Cause I want to be where ever you go
What do I say?
When what you've done is take those words away...

I want to stop thinking and start moving on
I guess its the hardest thing to do
Since the very bottom line is a life spent with you
I'm sick and tired of hiding
all the pain and the fear and the madness deep inside
Please let me do the singing
And I'll bring you to the moon and to the stars

I want to show you how it feels to be left behind
Yet I can't get myself to do
'Cause of the pain you might feel in your heart
Inspite all the hurt I've had from the start
I can't think of passing them on to you
'Cause its in you I hold on to
And its you who makes me new

What we have here is a failure to communicate

What goes on in that mind of yours?
More importantly, what does your heart speak?
Must I be riddled in all the day's hours?
Is your embrace asleep as I seek?

What will be my shelter while you hide?
What will be my shield, my strength, my guide?
Who do I run to when my eyes start to weep?
Who will I lean on to when I am weak?

It's a pain that you alone can mend
It's a thirst that you alone can quench
It's a numbness you alone can awake
It's a madness only you can contain

For it is in your strength I attain my own
It by your side that I am never alone
It is in you that I am able to see the light
But why is it in the darkness you choose to reside?

In the darkness where I am unable to see
In the darkness where anger supresses me
In the darkness where I am tired and lost
In the darkness where I am but a shadow, a ghost

A mere breath can bring back the tranquility
A mere whisper can bring the dusk to dawn
A song can awaken the morning sun
But all is lost if you are gone

A Cut Throat Lie

Love made me cry last night
For once again I was denied
From Happiness, From smiles
Once again i was set aside
Pushed over by reasons and alibis

Waited hours for a moment together
Then reality lead itself in
Instead of a happily ever after ending
Love, which started it, sourly ended my dream

make it known

i need the hair that flows softly from her head
on her face, the lips that bloom so red
her eyes that wander everytime that she is shy
her arms that sway as she treads by

i need her hands, that touch of warmth
with overflowing care
her body standing proudly with stability and strength
most of all, her fragility where i can only give my care

will i finally get to mend those wounds,
tame that fear, and finally make her
heart beat truthfully again?

love and a book

Opening a book is the most difficult thing to do. Like love, it makes you hesitate at first. Once started; makes you wish it would never end. When ended; leaves you wanting even more.

where she is

often assumed
seldom felt
most of the time wanted, needed, longed for

Sand

The sands blown by the wind travel far, though unnoticable as they part ways and become mere tiny specks. And as a speck the sand waits until again it is blown to its place and is able to signifiy beauty once again.